Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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