I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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