He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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