I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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