Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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