i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
