now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
