If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
