theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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