No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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