I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
