After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
