Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
