That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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