I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
