Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
