I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
