My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
