with your own penis?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
