just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize