I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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