Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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