On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize