rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
