he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
