She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
