honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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