Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
