We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
