Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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