She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
