we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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