When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
