I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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