I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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