I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
