So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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