i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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