Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize