so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
