She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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