tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
