someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
