oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
