I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they're like a gay fantastic four
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
