Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
