My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize