I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
