i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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