he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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