In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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