I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this boner is exhausting
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
