I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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