Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
