im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
