6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
