i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
