Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
