So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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