honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
