She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
