just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
