false alarm. still invincible.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
