I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
