Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
