I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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