Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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