I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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