Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
