party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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